The Talk (or Lack Thereof)

My parents never talked to me about sex or puberty. One afternoon, I jokingly asked my mom about the birds and the bees. She responded by teasing back–threatening to tell me everything. She thought that by not having “the talk” with me, she was doing the nice thing and saving me embarrassment. Actually, she closed the door on that important conversation and sent me out into the world to learn about sex on my own. 

I read about sex in 90’s magazines like Glamour and Cosmopolitan. I learned about birth control and tampons in 7th grade Health Class. It’s the main focus of every movie and TV show (especially ones targeted to teens). It was bad information and I suffered. 

I knew when I had kids I wanted to talk to them about sex before they learned about it somewhere else.  

My son started asking questions about puberty when he was 8. I decided my husband would have the talk with him right away. We got a book from the library to help guide the conversation on mechanics.   

Then we added our own points on the emotional side:

• Sex is for married couples (I know…. this feels so old fashioned and unrealistic.  But I want to present it to my kids as an option. Culture tells young people to have sex to help you decide if you love someone, I want to present the idea that you should know for sure before you have sex.)
• Sex is beautiful and not embarrassing – If it’s done in a committed loving relationship, it’s not dirty. I have sex with their dad and its a good thing. It would be weird if we didn’t. 

The conversation was A LOT and he was a little shocked by it all. But we feel good about being the ones who gave him the information we know is accurate and whole.  

He has come back with questions sporadically and we’ve been able to have deeper talks on relationships, puberty, and health.  We hope there will be many more, because "the talk" shouldn't just be one conversation. It should be an ongoing series.